thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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