You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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