Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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