she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
someone owes me an orgasm
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So much Jack, so little girl.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize