My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
