it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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