before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
