Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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