Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
