remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
