Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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