I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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