Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
