Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
