May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
you never un-have a 4some
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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