My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Be still, my beating vagina.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
