are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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