I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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