I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
