I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
