he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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