it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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