She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
