my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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