i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
