he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize