pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
