Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
