There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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