Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
