Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
