So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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