your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize