My room smells like vodka and shame
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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