Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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