I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
