Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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