i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
there was a trapeze. enough said
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize