I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If I die, sorry about rent.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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