god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
