Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Let's paint friendship bongs
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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