Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
