I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
