I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
