so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
