i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
