I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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