this beer tastes like vomit already
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
