Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
This gyro tastes like lonliness
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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