We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
