the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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