you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I understand Curling. That high.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
