Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
