The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
