PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
