but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize