I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
