i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
