We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My bed smells like the plague
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
