Got a toothbrush?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
