The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize