Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
