I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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