She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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