dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
