You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
if only i could text you this smell
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
