Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
