I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
