i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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