get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
