i think i scared a bird with my dick
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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