OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
its not stalking. its research.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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