Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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