I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
