one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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