im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
