i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
