My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
