ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
