Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
