I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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