chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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