She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
