i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
