if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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