drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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