i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
